Good-bye Cardiff

I finally leave Cardiff after being based here since September 2009. I came here to pursue my Masters degree but I leave having learnt a lot more. Tomorrow I will bid farewell to Cardiff as I move to London.

The time to finally pack up and leave Cardiff draws nearer with the passing of every hour. At noon tomorrow I will leave this city for good though I will leave a part of me behind. Packing up my room and my stuff in the house is filled with sadness and triggers many memories. Although I only stayed in this house for 3 months I have lovely memories associated with it. As if packing up wasn't hard enough, doing the last of everything in and around the city brings back memories and triggers emotions. I will really miss this place and everything and everyone here.

It is ironic that I love this city as much considering the city and I didn't get off to the best of starts. However I am glad I encountered that huge obstacle in embracing Cardiff. That experience made me love this city more and gave me a new perspective to view the various obstacles that are always popping up in life.

Spending the last hours in the city that I grew to love as home makes my heart heavy. This city gave me new friends and a family away from home. This city gave me a second university experience at Cardiff University (that couldn't have been more different from university life in Singapore at SMU). This city made me grow stronger and wiser and another year older. It is hard to say good-bye but it has to be said as only then can I truly move on to embrace the next change in life.

I look forward to the next change although with a heavy heart and a cautious mind. What life brings along one can never predict. The best we can do is to keep an open mind and a hopeful heart as it is up to us to make the best of what life has to offer.

Social media won’t let the past be in the past

Over the past 5 odd years social media has exploded on the internet and how. From being the exclusive "thing" for Harvard students to my mother having an account, everyone is on the social media bandwagon in some way. We know the merits of social media; keeping in touch, getting in contact with long lost friends/family, sharing photos and videos etc... But has anyone stopped and thought that these advantages not only extend to people we want to be in touch with. They also extend to people we want to get "rid" off and/or forget.

So you have a friend or a boyfriend or girlfriend and the relationship has gone bad. You want to move on with life and have broken things off with them in real life. You don't meet them, you don't talk to them. You have deleted their all the sms they sent and their number from your phone. You have deleted all the emails, photos and chats you have had. However you log onto Facebook and see their photos and videos and status updates, which are constant reminders of them. Logically you decide to remove them from your 'online' life too. In theory it sounds simple. Remove the said person, X, from your 'friends list', block them or put them on limited profile.

However what about the shared network of 'friends' you and X share? As long as you have some link with X you can't truly remove them from your online social network even if you can erase them from your offline life. Say X got married and common friends were at the wedding. Photos of X's wedding would be posted by the common friend and you will see them. You might not want to but you would. It is only human nature to be curious and want to know, "So what happened to X?". Worse still another common friend refers to X in their status update and you remain paranoid about what the status means in regards to you. Even though you have removed X from your offline life, you cannot 100% remove them from your online life. Unless of course you go on a deleting rampage and remove your entire network of common friends.

There might be periods of lull and you would convince yourself that you are over things and everything is in the past. You move on and learn to smile again. However that smile is hostage to that one activity on Facebook which brings the past back, right in front of you on your computer screen. It opens the wounds, the self-doubts, the sadness, the anger and the resentment.

In social media it is almost impossible to get closure about breakups and to move on with life. That is the double edge sword, you are always connected and in touch. Even when you don't want to be. Social media won't let the past be in the past.

Age of Disposable Friendships

We live in the age where there is a disposable version of almost everything. There are disposable cameras, disposable cutlery, disposable shoes, disposable stationery, disposable packaging, disposable tissue and even disposable underwear. What exactly does "disposable" mean though? Very simply it means to 'you and throw' whatever that is disposable. Use the object for its functionality and once you have exhausted its usefulness you dispose of it. The concept is innovative and new and in line with our fast paced lifestyle of today. However in our obsession of leading a disposable aided life have we made relationships disposable?

Are we living in the age of disposable friendships? Have we gotten so carried away by ambition and by progress and by success that we now view "friendships" as being disposable? Meet a person, realise their potential in getting your work done. Befriend them. Tap into their potential on the pretense of friendship and compassion. Once your task as been achieved and your success has been attained, feel free to dispose of the "friend". Now these disposable relationships come in all shapes and sizes and last for all variety of lengths. They could be your best friend who you grew up discussing wedding plans with or it could be your college friend with whom you shared your all-night study sessions with. The friendship could also last for a few days, a week, a few months or even as long as 4 to 13 years...

Apparently it is possible to be the best of friends for years, to celebrate moments together, to be the first to wish them on birthdays, to be together through thick and thin and yet end up being disposed. How it is possible I wonder... What can motivate a person to stoop so low as to wake up one morning and decide, "XYZ is not my friend any more"? Heck with the friendship and everything with it. Heck with the plans to attend each other's weddings. Heck with the promises to be there for each other.

Maybe that thinking was alright at the age of 5, 8, 11 or even 13. But as a person matures you expect them to understand and value friendships more. It is understandable that a person cannot be the closest of and bestest of friends with every single person. However is it wrong to expect loyalty and pure friendship with people you spent years being "friends" with?

It is amazing to think that for some people disposing a friend is as easy as disposing that used tissue. Take it, use it and throw it. No second glances. No regrets. No remorse. At least the tissue knows it was made for that purpose of being used and thrown. I am quite certain human beings were not meant to be used and disposed. Was the disposed friend at fault for being trusting and open in a friendship? I thought openness and honesty is what made a real friendship. Anyone can put up a facade but then that would not be labelled a friendship, would it?

If you think about it, it is a sad world for those who dispose of friends. I suspect they are actually ignorant of the meaning of friendship and devoid of emotions. They say you only realise what you had after you lose it. But what do you call the person who does not even realise what they have after they themselves threw it away? No matter how the world and people dynamics have changed over the years, no matter how Facebook and its like have "taken over", no matter how busy our lives are, friendship is a relationship that has existed as long as humanity. There is friendship hidden in every relation. There is friendship between a mother and daughter, there is friendship between a teacher and student, there is friendship between a husband and wife and there is friendship between a brother and sister. How is it then that a relation as pure and basic as friendship could become disposable like just another sheet of tissue?

25 years of friendship and love

On the night of 6^th of February 1985 a young man and a young woman got married in front of the scared Hindu fire. 25 years later that couple is still together, bound by their true friendship and love. I feel immense pride in saying that they are my parents. My wonderful father and mother. Captain Sarda Umesh Srivastava and his lovely wife, Mrs Bina Srivastava.

It is heart warming to see how an arranged alliance of 2 people from 2 very different places in India has stood the test of time. They faced their share of life's obstacles and each time their relationship emerged stronger. They survived prolonged separations for years, they survived diverse natures, attitudes and backgrounds and they survived settling down in a foreign land.

Despite these challenges they faced they always were there for each other. They were each other's best friends and they were each other's confidants. 25 years later they are still together and as much in love. They have their own ways of showing it. I always loved how they held hands, gave each other hugs, how they say "I love you" to each other and how they adore each other in their gaze. I love how my father wakes my mother up in the morning with a fresh cup of tea. I love how my mother cooks my father's favourite dishes. I love how both of them go on dates to the movies or to dinners.

Their relationship has been very real and not a fairy tale. That is precisely what I love about them because they made that real tale come true despite the odds. I have learnt that there are problems in every relationship but it is up to us to face them and to grow on them. I would be blessed if I could have a relationship as strong and pure as theirs ever in my life.

I want to wish them all the love and all the wishes for a fantastic silver anniversary. I have not seen a couple as beautiful as them and I pray to god they see many beautiful years together.

Thank you Mummy-Papa for being who you are and for inspiring my life with your love. I wish I was with you today to be part of your special day.

The Year that was 2009

Start of a new year and of the last semester in SMU. In the spirit of the New Year she joined belly dancing classes. Loving every moment of it she shimmied and andulated her body to the funky beat. On the other hand the economic slump stayed like a black cloud on her head. Despite the despair she kept trying and reached the final stage for 2-3 jobs but all in vain as she got rejected again and again. In midst of this gloom came her 23^rd birthday. It was on the day of her club's play and she knew it wasn't going to be her way. It was an understated affair but for the single long stemmed red rose that came her way. The kid in her was disappointed alas it was time to move on. The winds of change were blowing and she could feel it.

Not one to sit around and wonder, but one to make her own destiny she applied for her Masters studies. The winds carried some good news for her in the form of her conditional acceptance to Cardiff University. She was overjoyed and waited for her final results to seal her faith from the university. Till then it was all about enjoying her last months in SMU. She performed, partied, studied, had lots of fun and made lasting memories.

However her life was never a smooth sailing one. A trip to India led to revelations that shook her to the core. Her faith in friendship was shaken and she was thrown into a bottomless pit of self-doubt. Was she that evil, that horrible? She returned to Singapore but she was not the same and neither was life. Life felt bare like someone had passed. Then again that friendship was now only in the past. Yet life was moving and she was not one to be left behind. She pulled herself together and strived together with life. The months flew and soon she was done with SMU. 4 years had passed and soon would be time to bid goodbye to life she had known till then.

Wanting to celebrate her survival of her Bachelors she flew down under to her baby sister from where they embarked on an adventure to New Zealand and all over Australia. They spent an amazing 4 weeks together and returning home was hard for her. The results came and she a graduate officially. With that she sealed her fate; deciding to fly across the seas to pursue her Masters. Now all she had was time and more time. Never one to sit idle she sprung into action. An ex-professor asked her to be his research assistant and assist him on a case study he was writing. She also became his teaching assistant for an MBA class. It was awesome, it was a blast. All this while she kept progressing in her belly dancing class. She completed beginner's level and was onto intermediate. Then she decided it was time she drove and to get the licence to drive. Driving classes experience was amazing and she fell in love with driving. Time was tight but she was determined.

As the days passed her days at home were dwindling. She was excited and was waiting. Her sister came home and it was time for family. It was fun and it was heart warming. Her ticket was booked and she started to wrap up her life. Ended the roles of research and teaching assistant, completed her driving and her belly dancing. It was then time for the driving test which she aced in her first try; a triumphant act in Singapore that was. Next thing she knew she was at the airport saying goodbye to family and friends. The excitement of the unknown was tinged with anxiety of the same. It was a long flight to her destination and it had been a long life journey to it too.

Arriving in Cardiff, she settled in her new home. It was an 18^th century girls hostels far removed from her comfy room back home. However she made her peace and soon was busy as a bee. The classes had begun and there was a city to conquer, friends to make and a new life to build. She was lucky to find the friends she did and she was aware. The hostel life was different and it was new. She embraced it all making it her own. The weeks flew and the distances shrank. Her soul was near and her heart knew. It sang songs of happiness and jumped for joy too. The meeting was beautiful though short and bittersweet. Yet there was hope with the new distances between. Soon the semester flew by. She strived to do her best and worked hard. After a long hiatus she was rewarded as she was. She was given opportunities too, research on celebrities in India and an internship! Life seemed to be telling her aal izz well. Indeed it was as he was also there. Then came the holidays, bringing the snow, sleet and hail. It was a new experience and she enjoyed. She also enjoyed the daily cooking that was her safe heaven. As the end of the year dawned she looked back behind her at the year gone. The year that was 2009 had been a beautiful, bittersweet journey of life. Then again that is the nature of life as we know, one day up and the next day low. Back home for the holidays she sat looking 2010 into the face. What did this year have in store for the girl who was never going to let go?